How to Deal with the Office Narcissist
By Jessica Stillman | March 2, 2010
Poets might be known for their higher than average incidence of depression, but the world of business is famous for attracting those with another sort of psychological disorder; “psychologists have studied narcissistic traits in actors, chief executives and politicians, where such tendencies are all but built into the job description,” reports the NY Times.
What exactly is narcissism? According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association, the diagnosis involves, “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration and lack of empathy… a grandiose sense of self-importance.”
Of course, most cubicle dwellers are normal, empathetic people, but your chances of running into a narcissist is probably higher among high achieving business leaders than, say, at a convention of dentists or pre-school teachers. So how do you handle a narcissistic colleague or client when you meet one? A blog post by Karen Leland on Web Worker Daily offers five tips from Connie Dieken, author of the book Talk Less, Say More:
* Give them options. Beneath their bluster, narcissistic people fear being left out of the loop. They crave control. It’s far better to offer them options to choose from, rather than feeding them ready-made decisions. They’ll tear other people’s decisions to shreds. Giving them options helps them feel respected and in control. It also prevents nasty hissy fits.
* Focus on solutions, not problems. When you explain a problem or a challenge to a narcissist, direct their attention to the solution. Don’t allow them to dissect the problem over and over again. Narcissists love drama and revel in the chaos. They’re easily agitated when frustrated. Define problems and present possible solutions, so they don’t smell blood in the water and tear you apart.
* Make them the hero. Narcissists are preoccupied with power and truly believe they are special and unique. They live for attention and admiration. Want them to do something? Tell them how great they are at it and watch them perform. Better yet, praise their performance in front of others. Just keep it real, please.
* Let them think it’s their idea. Narcissists often steal the credit for ideas that aren’t theirs. Why do they do that? Strangely, they truly believe that hijacked results are their own. Grabbing credit is a driving force for them. If this gets things done, I say learn to live with it. Over time, everyone will catch on — wink, wink. Meantime, graciously transferring credit for ideas to them makes things happen.
* Manage their emotional blind spot. Egomaniacs lack empathy. They’re so caught up in their own world that it doesn’t occur to them to consider your feelings or viewpoints. It’s a huge blind spot. You must put your own feelings on the table, if you choose to do so. Just be smart about sharing feelings with a narcissist. Brace yourself for the guilt trips and disparaging criticism that narcissists often dole out when others explain how they feel.
MY THOUGHTS
so, do you have this constant need to be admired? do you have this feeling of self-importance that's way beyond normal? do you lack the capacity to feel for others, understand their situation and actually feel what they are feeling? then you really should be reading about 'how not to be a narcissist".
but if you are on the end of the spectrum and you find yourself dealing with an 'egomaniac', read over the tips very carefully.remember, being honest is still necessary but you can't win with a narcissist if you fight them off.
Showing posts with label personal leadership. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal leadership. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
SIGNS THAT YOUR JOB IS TOO MUCH FOR YOU
7 Signs You're in Over Your Head
By Steve Tobak | January 21, 2011
Nobody wants to believe they’re the problem. Why that is, I don’t know. But it’s far and away the stickiest issue that plagues organizations big and small. That’s why it keeps coming up again and again here.
In last year’s most clicked post - 7 Signs You May Be a Bad Manager - we talked about how most bad managers aren’t consciously aware that they are bad managers. That was news to a lot of people.
It seems that, while we talk about denial all the time, we don’t really understand what it means: that, on some level, we are aware of our behavior and our issues; we’re just not consciously aware. That requires a measure of self-awareness few of us possess.
As I alluded to at the time, this phenomenon isn’t at all limited to bosses, but applies to executives, managers, employees too. What that means is that, no matter who you are or what you do, you can be in over your head and not realize it.
As we all know, realizing a problem is the first step to resolving it. But, for those of you who still aren’t convinced that knowing the truth about your level of competency is a good thing, here’s a different way to say it: If you bury your head in the sand, you’ll likely suffocate. How’s that for motivation?
So pay attention to these 7 Signs You’re in Over Your Head
1. You’re more anxious and stressed-out than usual. Why is that a sign? Because, on some level, you’re aware that you’re in over your head and the disconnect between that awareness and the lie you keep consciously telling yourself - and others, in all likelihood - is causing you great anxiety and stress.
2. Goals you thought were reasonable now seem insurmountable. Congratulations, you’ve fallen victim to one of the most common pitfalls in the working world: pedestal thinking. Don’t feel too bad, it’s just god’s sick little gift to overachievers. Just remember that the next time your ego wants to write a check that your capability can’t cash.
3. You’re feeling depressed when you should be feeling fine. You’ve been given a chance, an opportunity to prove yourself, maybe even a promotion. You should be on top of the world … but you’re not. Again, that’s the disconnect talking. And maybe, just maybe, you can’t help but wonder if you haven’t been given just enough rope to hang yourself with.
4. Your schedule is constantly slipping. Maybe your budget, headcount, and capital requirements, too. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. And management’s starting to get really tired of it. Every time they ask, “Is that going to do it,” you say “Absolutely.” But you have no idea if that’s true or not. Dangerous game to play.
5. I can do this has turned into I’m going to do this if it kills me. Well, it probably won’t kill you, but it might set your career back a bit or even get you fired. The point is that there are diminishing returns when it comes to being so driven that you push yourself to do things you’re either not ready for or are not capable of doing. And frankly, nobody wins when you do that. Nobody.
6. You find yourself working even when you’re not … and shouldn’t be. You find yourself thinking about work at all times of the day and night? While you’re eating, sleeping, on weekends, even during sex? Working longer and longer hours but coming home with less and less accomplished? Yup, that’s a sign alright. Been there many times.
7. You’re screwing up … and you’re not a screw up. I know it sounds sort of obvious, but I can remember times when I made excuses for errors in judgment that I probably wouldn’t have made if I wasn’t stretched so thin or pushing the envelope. Why did I do that? I guess I’m not the sort of guy who gives up easily. But again, there comes a point when that can actually work against you.
Once you’ve recognized that you’re in over your head, what do you do about it? In a nutshell, it’s always a good idea to be honest with yourself and face the fact that maybe you need to get some help, i.e. fess up to your boss, ask for more time and resources, that sort of thing.
If you’re a young up-and-comer who’s just pushing the envelope, i.e. no pain no gain, I’d give you a pass for sticking your neck out and taking risks, as long as you learn from the experience and don’t make it a regular thing.
If this is chronic with you, then there’s a distinct possibility that you’ve risen to your level of incompetence, i.e. the Peter Principle. In that case, you might want to read What’s the One Thing Limiting Your Success? and deal with it.
MY THOUGHTS
this can happen. absolutely. you're not good. you're very,very good. in fact, you're excellent. all you past performances can back that up. so, here you are. in a new post. a new assignment. and you just can't hack it. believe, the signs outlined in this article? these are killers. and the more you postpone getting help, the risk that you're setting yourself up for failure gets higher and higher.
By Steve Tobak | January 21, 2011
Nobody wants to believe they’re the problem. Why that is, I don’t know. But it’s far and away the stickiest issue that plagues organizations big and small. That’s why it keeps coming up again and again here.
In last year’s most clicked post - 7 Signs You May Be a Bad Manager - we talked about how most bad managers aren’t consciously aware that they are bad managers. That was news to a lot of people.
It seems that, while we talk about denial all the time, we don’t really understand what it means: that, on some level, we are aware of our behavior and our issues; we’re just not consciously aware. That requires a measure of self-awareness few of us possess.
As I alluded to at the time, this phenomenon isn’t at all limited to bosses, but applies to executives, managers, employees too. What that means is that, no matter who you are or what you do, you can be in over your head and not realize it.
As we all know, realizing a problem is the first step to resolving it. But, for those of you who still aren’t convinced that knowing the truth about your level of competency is a good thing, here’s a different way to say it: If you bury your head in the sand, you’ll likely suffocate. How’s that for motivation?
So pay attention to these 7 Signs You’re in Over Your Head
1. You’re more anxious and stressed-out than usual. Why is that a sign? Because, on some level, you’re aware that you’re in over your head and the disconnect between that awareness and the lie you keep consciously telling yourself - and others, in all likelihood - is causing you great anxiety and stress.
2. Goals you thought were reasonable now seem insurmountable. Congratulations, you’ve fallen victim to one of the most common pitfalls in the working world: pedestal thinking. Don’t feel too bad, it’s just god’s sick little gift to overachievers. Just remember that the next time your ego wants to write a check that your capability can’t cash.
3. You’re feeling depressed when you should be feeling fine. You’ve been given a chance, an opportunity to prove yourself, maybe even a promotion. You should be on top of the world … but you’re not. Again, that’s the disconnect talking. And maybe, just maybe, you can’t help but wonder if you haven’t been given just enough rope to hang yourself with.
4. Your schedule is constantly slipping. Maybe your budget, headcount, and capital requirements, too. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. And management’s starting to get really tired of it. Every time they ask, “Is that going to do it,” you say “Absolutely.” But you have no idea if that’s true or not. Dangerous game to play.
5. I can do this has turned into I’m going to do this if it kills me. Well, it probably won’t kill you, but it might set your career back a bit or even get you fired. The point is that there are diminishing returns when it comes to being so driven that you push yourself to do things you’re either not ready for or are not capable of doing. And frankly, nobody wins when you do that. Nobody.
6. You find yourself working even when you’re not … and shouldn’t be. You find yourself thinking about work at all times of the day and night? While you’re eating, sleeping, on weekends, even during sex? Working longer and longer hours but coming home with less and less accomplished? Yup, that’s a sign alright. Been there many times.
7. You’re screwing up … and you’re not a screw up. I know it sounds sort of obvious, but I can remember times when I made excuses for errors in judgment that I probably wouldn’t have made if I wasn’t stretched so thin or pushing the envelope. Why did I do that? I guess I’m not the sort of guy who gives up easily. But again, there comes a point when that can actually work against you.
Once you’ve recognized that you’re in over your head, what do you do about it? In a nutshell, it’s always a good idea to be honest with yourself and face the fact that maybe you need to get some help, i.e. fess up to your boss, ask for more time and resources, that sort of thing.
If you’re a young up-and-comer who’s just pushing the envelope, i.e. no pain no gain, I’d give you a pass for sticking your neck out and taking risks, as long as you learn from the experience and don’t make it a regular thing.
If this is chronic with you, then there’s a distinct possibility that you’ve risen to your level of incompetence, i.e. the Peter Principle. In that case, you might want to read What’s the One Thing Limiting Your Success? and deal with it.
MY THOUGHTS
this can happen. absolutely. you're not good. you're very,very good. in fact, you're excellent. all you past performances can back that up. so, here you are. in a new post. a new assignment. and you just can't hack it. believe, the signs outlined in this article? these are killers. and the more you postpone getting help, the risk that you're setting yourself up for failure gets higher and higher.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Win Over Your Boss
How to Win Over Your Boss
By Steve Tobak | January 20, 2011
In Getting a New Boss? Interview Again for Your Job, career coach Priscilla Claman outlines three steps to get yourself “rehired,” as she calls it. Since BNET blogger Sean Silverthorne called her advice “absolutely brilliant,” I thought I’d check out the three steps:
1. Update your resume.
2. Set up a meeting.
3. Present yourself.
Now, I happen to think that this sort of “me-centric” approach can easily backfire. But, the original post does have some decent points and Claman herself has a disclaimer at the end, “I find that the higher up you are, the less successful the “rehiring” method is.”
In any case, if your boss isn’t behind you 100 percent, it can make your life miserable. Believe it or not, you can win him over just by asking a few questions that show him you “get it” and are management or senior management material. Whether he’s newly promoted, newly hired, the result of a merger or acquisition, or has been your boss forever, here are:
10 Simple Questions That Will Win Over Your Boss
1. Ask what he thinks you can do to be more effective.
2. Ask what her top three priorities or goals are.
3. Ask what you can do to make him more effective.
4. Ask what you can do to make the team more effective.
5. Ask if he’s interested in knowing what will make your job easier.
6. Ask what her take is on the company’s top priorities and goals.
7. Ask what he thinks you should do differently or improve upon to be more effective.
8. Ask if she’d like to meet periodically, one-on-one, and if so, how frequently and what format would she like the meeting to take. Then set it up.
9. Ask what his philosophy is on your shared functional responsibility, whatever that is, i.e. marketing, HR, IT, engineering, finance.
10. And, if the meeting’s open-form and you feel it’s appropriate, ask about her background. Most people like to talk about themselves and how they got there, as long as they don’t feel like they’re being grilled, pumped for information, or played in some way.
In case it isn’t obvious, you don’t just plop down in your boss’s office with a notepad and start an inquisition. Ask for a one-on-one meeting because you’d like to know what you can do to be more effective and help him be more effective, wherein you ask a few questions, as appropriate, etc.
And, contrary to the aforementioned HBR advice, do not tell her about your role and your team. Instead, ask if she’d like to hear your perspective on your and your team’s role. If she says, “absolutely,” then set it up. But I still say it’s better to ask for her perspective on your and your team’s role. Get the difference?
And whatever you do, don’t present yourself, your resume, or your achievements either. Frankly, your boss, new or old, isn’t primarily interested in any of that stuff. He’s primarily interested in meeting his objectives and helping his boss meet hers.
The closer you come to demonstrating that that’s your priority as well, the sooner you’ll win him over because you “get it.” And the sooner you’ll be viewed as management or senior management material.
MY THOUGHTS
hmmm. food for thought. calls for some heavy thinking. i remember asking a new boss what my job description was. he said - "NONE". i wanted to resign right then and there. i stayed. wise decision. he said he didn't want to limit what i can do by having a list of tasks. i figured, from where he's from, the term "perform other tasks that may be assigned" does not appear in JDs. demanding as he was, he was also very wise. true enough, my stint with him proved to be very rewarding. there was no limit to what he wanted to achieve. i worked along side him. in other words, i won him over. and he won me over,too.
By Steve Tobak | January 20, 2011
In Getting a New Boss? Interview Again for Your Job, career coach Priscilla Claman outlines three steps to get yourself “rehired,” as she calls it. Since BNET blogger Sean Silverthorne called her advice “absolutely brilliant,” I thought I’d check out the three steps:
1. Update your resume.
2. Set up a meeting.
3. Present yourself.
Now, I happen to think that this sort of “me-centric” approach can easily backfire. But, the original post does have some decent points and Claman herself has a disclaimer at the end, “I find that the higher up you are, the less successful the “rehiring” method is.”
In any case, if your boss isn’t behind you 100 percent, it can make your life miserable. Believe it or not, you can win him over just by asking a few questions that show him you “get it” and are management or senior management material. Whether he’s newly promoted, newly hired, the result of a merger or acquisition, or has been your boss forever, here are:
10 Simple Questions That Will Win Over Your Boss
1. Ask what he thinks you can do to be more effective.
2. Ask what her top three priorities or goals are.
3. Ask what you can do to make him more effective.
4. Ask what you can do to make the team more effective.
5. Ask if he’s interested in knowing what will make your job easier.
6. Ask what her take is on the company’s top priorities and goals.
7. Ask what he thinks you should do differently or improve upon to be more effective.
8. Ask if she’d like to meet periodically, one-on-one, and if so, how frequently and what format would she like the meeting to take. Then set it up.
9. Ask what his philosophy is on your shared functional responsibility, whatever that is, i.e. marketing, HR, IT, engineering, finance.
10. And, if the meeting’s open-form and you feel it’s appropriate, ask about her background. Most people like to talk about themselves and how they got there, as long as they don’t feel like they’re being grilled, pumped for information, or played in some way.
In case it isn’t obvious, you don’t just plop down in your boss’s office with a notepad and start an inquisition. Ask for a one-on-one meeting because you’d like to know what you can do to be more effective and help him be more effective, wherein you ask a few questions, as appropriate, etc.
And, contrary to the aforementioned HBR advice, do not tell her about your role and your team. Instead, ask if she’d like to hear your perspective on your and your team’s role. If she says, “absolutely,” then set it up. But I still say it’s better to ask for her perspective on your and your team’s role. Get the difference?
And whatever you do, don’t present yourself, your resume, or your achievements either. Frankly, your boss, new or old, isn’t primarily interested in any of that stuff. He’s primarily interested in meeting his objectives and helping his boss meet hers.
The closer you come to demonstrating that that’s your priority as well, the sooner you’ll win him over because you “get it.” And the sooner you’ll be viewed as management or senior management material.
MY THOUGHTS
hmmm. food for thought. calls for some heavy thinking. i remember asking a new boss what my job description was. he said - "NONE". i wanted to resign right then and there. i stayed. wise decision. he said he didn't want to limit what i can do by having a list of tasks. i figured, from where he's from, the term "perform other tasks that may be assigned" does not appear in JDs. demanding as he was, he was also very wise. true enough, my stint with him proved to be very rewarding. there was no limit to what he wanted to achieve. i worked along side him. in other words, i won him over. and he won me over,too.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Things We Wish We Could Tell the Boss
7 Things We All Wish We Could Tell the Boss
http://www.bnet.com/photos/7-things-we-all-wish-we-could-tell-the-boss/490886?tag=trunk
By Dave Logan
I’ve visited dozens of companies in 2010 and keep hearing the same message: the person at the top is clueless and unwilling to change. As a result, employees spend absurd amounts of time managing around him (it’s usually a him). It’s not just the Emperor Has No Clothes. It’s that the Emperor Has No Clothes and Looks Funny Naked. But if you had the courage to have these conversations with the man in charge, you could transform the lackluster leader into a great one, and boost the company's bottom line in the process.
1. You're nothing like Lincoln, Churchill or Clinton.
Nothing is funnier, or more tragic, than a mediocre leader who thinks he’s Lincoln, or Churchill or Clinton. And nothing is a greater waste of time than when an “idiot boss” (thanks, Scott Adams) tries to fine-tune his style by reading about the Greats.
A much better use of time would be for someone with credibility to sit down with the CEO and say, “You’re like none of those people, but if you work really hard, you could become a great leader in your own right.”
The great leaders are all originals. Although many were amateur historians (or in Churchill’s case, professional), they didn’t become the people they were by copying behaviors from people in the past. They became great by finding a way to serve people in their time, and in the process, became leaders.
2. Guess what? YOU are the problem.
Imagine this conversation.
Him: Why isn't the company more innovative?
You : Because you, the CEO, drown us in initiatives, metrics, and plans, and so we don’t have any time.
Him: Why isn't the organization more successful?
You: Because the strategy you want us to pursue is inept, compared to what we could do if you got out of the way.
Him: Why isn't the company a great place to work?
You: Because you’re creating an atmosphere of fear and intimidation.
The single question I’m asked more than any other is: “Can we use the principles of Tribal Leadership when the top person doesn’t get it but thinks he does?” The short-term answer is to create a pocket of tribal greatness, and let the results show that a new way of leading makes everyone win. The long-term answer is that the person at the top needs to get it, or get out.
3. You put a new thing on my 'to do' list. What are you taking off?
I often repeat a story from the darkest days of the U.S. automotive industry, when a major subcontractor to the Big Three held its managers accountable for well over 100 metrics. That story used to make people laugh. Over the last few years, the reaction has turned into, “so what do we do about that?”
Drucker was a fan of the idea of “purposeful abandonment”—determining which activities will be stopped. My friend David Allen, author of Getting Things Done, likes to say that a person’s success can be measured by looking at how long their “stop doing list” is. The same holds for companies. Most people, and most companies, don’t have a “stop doing list” at all.
CEOs should know that their followers measure them, in large part, by how many metrics and initiatives they purposefully abandon. In most cases, that’s zero.
4. If the employees don't understand the strategy, it's your fault.
Often in executive seminars I’ll go through the “must have” list for corporate competence, and then ask people which item on the list they are most concerned about. (One of the better lists is Jay Galbraith’s STAR model.) Almost always, number one is “strategy,” as in “do we have one?” and “ask 100 people and you’ll get 100 answers of what our strategy is.” I also hear, “the CEO thinks our strategy is the tag line from our ads.”
A strategy, by the way, is “the creation of a unique and valuable proposition” to the market, according to Michael Porter. If employees can’t say what that the unique value proposition is, the CEO has failed.
In most cases, the CEO would retort, “we have a strategy, they just aren’t listening to what it is.”
What’s the problem here?
It’s not about how the strategy is communicated, it’s about the listening that creates the strategy in first place. Anne Mulcahy tells the story of what happened when she assumed the role of president and COO of Xerox. It came down to listening to everyone: employees, customers, and suppliers. She didn’t check her brain at the door and merely combine what they said into the strategy. She checked it against everything she knew about the markets, and she also listened to advice from experts. The result from that long process was a strategy that was clear, concise, and that made people around Xerox say, “yes, that’s right!” If your company doesn’t have that kind of a strategy, the blame rests at the top.
5. You don't build loyalty by blaming employees.
Many CEOs try to send the message “you and I have a special relationship” by bad-mouthing other executives. The result? The message people hear is “I’ll throw anyone under the bus. The minute you’re out of favor, I’ll do the same to you.”
Great leaders throw themselves under the bus by taking responsibility for any failure in the company. When the company succeeds, it’s due to others.
6. Your staff will regard your tenure as the bad old days.
Most large companies remember a time when they had boundless energy and felt the potential of greatness knocking at the door. That was before the bullies, brats, and bureaucrats took over.
Most CEOs talk a lot about problems that they’ve solved. But the reality is that the overall vibrancy and vitality of the company is collapsing. People hunger for a leader who will really do things the right way. And until you learn that, you’re just another person steering the ship into the sand.
I should add that most CEOs are good people, wanting the best for their companies. So why does the Emperor Have No Clothes and Look Funny Naked?
It’s due to a variety of factors, including that organizations, by their design, limit or stop upward feedback. Most CEOs become increasingly isolated and cut off from the real issues and so their decisions become increasingly out of touch. Another reason is “CEO shuffle”—hiring from outside the company, based on competency and not shared values, so that the new person comes in with an agenda to change everything. Most successful CEOs in our study were home-grown and promoted from within.
7. Great leaders listen and you don’t.
Any questions?
Ever wanted to have this conversation and didn’t? I hope you’ll let me know, by email or in the comments below.
MY THOUGHTS
bosses! who is not having (or did not have) problems with a boss? one way or the other,at some point in time, we have whined and complained (and probably moved jobs) because we have an incompetent, dictatorial, unfeeling, inhuman, *&#$% boss. don't you get it? the problem is not the boss. it's you. first of all, if "the boss" is that insufferable what are you still doing there? if you have nowhere else to go, then don't you think you owe the hateful boss? he hasn't fired you, has he? even if no one else will hire you!!!
we dream (and probably having nightmares) about that time when we can tell our boss exactly what kind of boss he is. you think that's not possible? think again. it can happen. you can do it. but you have to play your cards right.
i once worked for a man, a brilliant, frustrating man that everyone hated. just the sound of his name made people want to crawl under the desk and never come out. he pushed and he pushed. with ideas that went completely way over your head.it was so frustrating the first thing i do when i get to work is print out a resignation letter with a new date.
guess what? if you ask me, the highlights of my career were those years i worked with the man. i did things i never thought possible. he inspired me to accomplish things that no one else can accomplish for him. he made me forget about titles and job descriptions. he showed me that i am limited only by what i think i can do.
how did it happen? i let him be my boss! obedience is the first key. he was the boss, not me. as soon as i accepted that, i saw him for what he is. a hard, no non-sense, whirlwind boss whose motivations are never questionable. someone to be respected. that allowed me to focus on my work(instead of wasting time thinking of ways to oust him).
that showed him i can be respected, too.as a professional and as a person. i didn't have to dream of telling him exactly what kind of boss he was. he asked. and he always valued my opinion.
http://www.bnet.com/photos/7-things-we-all-wish-we-could-tell-the-boss/490886?tag=trunk
By Dave Logan
I’ve visited dozens of companies in 2010 and keep hearing the same message: the person at the top is clueless and unwilling to change. As a result, employees spend absurd amounts of time managing around him (it’s usually a him). It’s not just the Emperor Has No Clothes. It’s that the Emperor Has No Clothes and Looks Funny Naked. But if you had the courage to have these conversations with the man in charge, you could transform the lackluster leader into a great one, and boost the company's bottom line in the process.
1. You're nothing like Lincoln, Churchill or Clinton.
Nothing is funnier, or more tragic, than a mediocre leader who thinks he’s Lincoln, or Churchill or Clinton. And nothing is a greater waste of time than when an “idiot boss” (thanks, Scott Adams) tries to fine-tune his style by reading about the Greats.
A much better use of time would be for someone with credibility to sit down with the CEO and say, “You’re like none of those people, but if you work really hard, you could become a great leader in your own right.”
The great leaders are all originals. Although many were amateur historians (or in Churchill’s case, professional), they didn’t become the people they were by copying behaviors from people in the past. They became great by finding a way to serve people in their time, and in the process, became leaders.
2. Guess what? YOU are the problem.
Imagine this conversation.
Him: Why isn't the company more innovative?
You : Because you, the CEO, drown us in initiatives, metrics, and plans, and so we don’t have any time.
Him: Why isn't the organization more successful?
You: Because the strategy you want us to pursue is inept, compared to what we could do if you got out of the way.
Him: Why isn't the company a great place to work?
You: Because you’re creating an atmosphere of fear and intimidation.
The single question I’m asked more than any other is: “Can we use the principles of Tribal Leadership when the top person doesn’t get it but thinks he does?” The short-term answer is to create a pocket of tribal greatness, and let the results show that a new way of leading makes everyone win. The long-term answer is that the person at the top needs to get it, or get out.
3. You put a new thing on my 'to do' list. What are you taking off?
I often repeat a story from the darkest days of the U.S. automotive industry, when a major subcontractor to the Big Three held its managers accountable for well over 100 metrics. That story used to make people laugh. Over the last few years, the reaction has turned into, “so what do we do about that?”
Drucker was a fan of the idea of “purposeful abandonment”—determining which activities will be stopped. My friend David Allen, author of Getting Things Done, likes to say that a person’s success can be measured by looking at how long their “stop doing list” is. The same holds for companies. Most people, and most companies, don’t have a “stop doing list” at all.
CEOs should know that their followers measure them, in large part, by how many metrics and initiatives they purposefully abandon. In most cases, that’s zero.
4. If the employees don't understand the strategy, it's your fault.
Often in executive seminars I’ll go through the “must have” list for corporate competence, and then ask people which item on the list they are most concerned about. (One of the better lists is Jay Galbraith’s STAR model.) Almost always, number one is “strategy,” as in “do we have one?” and “ask 100 people and you’ll get 100 answers of what our strategy is.” I also hear, “the CEO thinks our strategy is the tag line from our ads.”
A strategy, by the way, is “the creation of a unique and valuable proposition” to the market, according to Michael Porter. If employees can’t say what that the unique value proposition is, the CEO has failed.
In most cases, the CEO would retort, “we have a strategy, they just aren’t listening to what it is.”
What’s the problem here?
It’s not about how the strategy is communicated, it’s about the listening that creates the strategy in first place. Anne Mulcahy tells the story of what happened when she assumed the role of president and COO of Xerox. It came down to listening to everyone: employees, customers, and suppliers. She didn’t check her brain at the door and merely combine what they said into the strategy. She checked it against everything she knew about the markets, and she also listened to advice from experts. The result from that long process was a strategy that was clear, concise, and that made people around Xerox say, “yes, that’s right!” If your company doesn’t have that kind of a strategy, the blame rests at the top.
5. You don't build loyalty by blaming employees.
Many CEOs try to send the message “you and I have a special relationship” by bad-mouthing other executives. The result? The message people hear is “I’ll throw anyone under the bus. The minute you’re out of favor, I’ll do the same to you.”
Great leaders throw themselves under the bus by taking responsibility for any failure in the company. When the company succeeds, it’s due to others.
6. Your staff will regard your tenure as the bad old days.
Most large companies remember a time when they had boundless energy and felt the potential of greatness knocking at the door. That was before the bullies, brats, and bureaucrats took over.
Most CEOs talk a lot about problems that they’ve solved. But the reality is that the overall vibrancy and vitality of the company is collapsing. People hunger for a leader who will really do things the right way. And until you learn that, you’re just another person steering the ship into the sand.
I should add that most CEOs are good people, wanting the best for their companies. So why does the Emperor Have No Clothes and Look Funny Naked?
It’s due to a variety of factors, including that organizations, by their design, limit or stop upward feedback. Most CEOs become increasingly isolated and cut off from the real issues and so their decisions become increasingly out of touch. Another reason is “CEO shuffle”—hiring from outside the company, based on competency and not shared values, so that the new person comes in with an agenda to change everything. Most successful CEOs in our study were home-grown and promoted from within.
7. Great leaders listen and you don’t.
Any questions?
Ever wanted to have this conversation and didn’t? I hope you’ll let me know, by email or in the comments below.
MY THOUGHTS
bosses! who is not having (or did not have) problems with a boss? one way or the other,at some point in time, we have whined and complained (and probably moved jobs) because we have an incompetent, dictatorial, unfeeling, inhuman, *&#$% boss. don't you get it? the problem is not the boss. it's you. first of all, if "the boss" is that insufferable what are you still doing there? if you have nowhere else to go, then don't you think you owe the hateful boss? he hasn't fired you, has he? even if no one else will hire you!!!
we dream (and probably having nightmares) about that time when we can tell our boss exactly what kind of boss he is. you think that's not possible? think again. it can happen. you can do it. but you have to play your cards right.
i once worked for a man, a brilliant, frustrating man that everyone hated. just the sound of his name made people want to crawl under the desk and never come out. he pushed and he pushed. with ideas that went completely way over your head.it was so frustrating the first thing i do when i get to work is print out a resignation letter with a new date.
guess what? if you ask me, the highlights of my career were those years i worked with the man. i did things i never thought possible. he inspired me to accomplish things that no one else can accomplish for him. he made me forget about titles and job descriptions. he showed me that i am limited only by what i think i can do.
how did it happen? i let him be my boss! obedience is the first key. he was the boss, not me. as soon as i accepted that, i saw him for what he is. a hard, no non-sense, whirlwind boss whose motivations are never questionable. someone to be respected. that allowed me to focus on my work(instead of wasting time thinking of ways to oust him).
that showed him i can be respected, too.as a professional and as a person. i didn't have to dream of telling him exactly what kind of boss he was. he asked. and he always valued my opinion.
Friday, September 24, 2010
7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress
7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress
By Steve Tobak | July 2, 2009
Quick, by a show of hands, how many of you have workplace stress? Almost everybody, great. Now, how much of that stress do you think is self-imposed? What, no hands? Well, I’m not surprised, but you may be in for one.
You see, most people make their own stress. Why do they do it? How should I know? I’m not a shrink. So how do I know it’s true? I don’t; you tell me if any of these 7 Signs You’re Creating Your Own Workplace Stress resonate with you:
1.Not making enough money? Join the club. Nobody, I mean nobody makes enough money. Work hard, be smart, do great things, learn how to negotiate, and the money will come. That’s how it works.
2.Underappreciated, nobody loves you? Boss treats your co-worker better than you? Did you ever think maybe it’s you? Maybe you’re always whining. Maybe you treat them like crap. Maybe you never grew up. Who knows?
3.Your group gets no respect. IT is always getting dumped on. Sales and marketing has it easy. Guess what? The other group probably feels the same way. It’s called Silo behavior and it’s destructive, period. Grow up.
4.You have a psycho boss? An abusive self-hating jerk who acts out his childhood drama on poor unsuspecting employees. That sucks, but the unemployment rate is 9.5 percent, so you don’t get to pick your boss. Fighting battles you can’t win generates stress.
5.Too much work, too little time. This is usually self-imposed. Are you sure your deadlines are real and not just you feeling self-important, pushing yourself too hard because you haven’t got a life outside work? Slow down; what’s the worst that can happen?
6.Peer problems. There’s a coworker you just don’t get along with and it’s really stressful, right? Well, guess what? I’ll bet she feels the same way about you. It happens to everybody. Try a little detente. Offer an olive branch. Swallow your pride and give in. It won’t kill you.
7.Executive management doesn’t listen or care. Did it ever occur to you that executive managers are people too? They have their own issues and they’re not perfect. Some companies are well managed, some are managed by idiots. On the outside chance they’re not idiots, did you ever think that maybe, just maybe they know more than you do?
If you think this post oversimplifies things, think again. You may be overcomplicating things.
Try a little experiment: If you experience an issue or two and it changes when you jump companies or groups, then you were probably in a dysfunctional workplace. Welcome to the real world. Don’t whine and complain. Don’t give in and don’t give up. Be optimistic. Continue your search for a passionate, fulfilling job at a great company. You’ll find it.
But if it doesn’t change, if it’s always the same, then it’s probably you. You might want to see somebody about that.
MY THOUHGTS
nope. this does not oversimplify things. we do tend to complicate matters. by not responding in a mature, professional, and yes, most importantly, in a christian manner. it's not easy but it can be done.
By Steve Tobak | July 2, 2009
Quick, by a show of hands, how many of you have workplace stress? Almost everybody, great. Now, how much of that stress do you think is self-imposed? What, no hands? Well, I’m not surprised, but you may be in for one.
You see, most people make their own stress. Why do they do it? How should I know? I’m not a shrink. So how do I know it’s true? I don’t; you tell me if any of these 7 Signs You’re Creating Your Own Workplace Stress resonate with you:
1.Not making enough money? Join the club. Nobody, I mean nobody makes enough money. Work hard, be smart, do great things, learn how to negotiate, and the money will come. That’s how it works.
2.Underappreciated, nobody loves you? Boss treats your co-worker better than you? Did you ever think maybe it’s you? Maybe you’re always whining. Maybe you treat them like crap. Maybe you never grew up. Who knows?
3.Your group gets no respect. IT is always getting dumped on. Sales and marketing has it easy. Guess what? The other group probably feels the same way. It’s called Silo behavior and it’s destructive, period. Grow up.
4.You have a psycho boss? An abusive self-hating jerk who acts out his childhood drama on poor unsuspecting employees. That sucks, but the unemployment rate is 9.5 percent, so you don’t get to pick your boss. Fighting battles you can’t win generates stress.
5.Too much work, too little time. This is usually self-imposed. Are you sure your deadlines are real and not just you feeling self-important, pushing yourself too hard because you haven’t got a life outside work? Slow down; what’s the worst that can happen?
6.Peer problems. There’s a coworker you just don’t get along with and it’s really stressful, right? Well, guess what? I’ll bet she feels the same way about you. It happens to everybody. Try a little detente. Offer an olive branch. Swallow your pride and give in. It won’t kill you.
7.Executive management doesn’t listen or care. Did it ever occur to you that executive managers are people too? They have their own issues and they’re not perfect. Some companies are well managed, some are managed by idiots. On the outside chance they’re not idiots, did you ever think that maybe, just maybe they know more than you do?
If you think this post oversimplifies things, think again. You may be overcomplicating things.
Try a little experiment: If you experience an issue or two and it changes when you jump companies or groups, then you were probably in a dysfunctional workplace. Welcome to the real world. Don’t whine and complain. Don’t give in and don’t give up. Be optimistic. Continue your search for a passionate, fulfilling job at a great company. You’ll find it.
But if it doesn’t change, if it’s always the same, then it’s probably you. You might want to see somebody about that.
MY THOUHGTS
nope. this does not oversimplify things. we do tend to complicate matters. by not responding in a mature, professional, and yes, most importantly, in a christian manner. it's not easy but it can be done.
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